Moving Through Fear

For so many years, I have felt paralyzed by the weight of my dreams. I was afraid to speak my truth and fully show up in the world. After a few terrifying steps in the direction of a new idea, my mind would start overthinking; some form of fear would take over. Sometimes, it would manifest as resistance, procrastination, perfectionism, over-researching, comparison, or scarcity thinking. If somehow, I managed to sustain focus and push past the fear, I would lose enthusiasm and motivation after prematurely sharing my new idea with someone else. Sometimes, that did more damage to my self-esteem because it exposed me to feelings of shame or embarrassment, therefore proving the limiting beliefs I held about myself.

I have a few theories about why I struggle with this — some generic — like the idea that fear is a part of the creative process. And others are unique to my experiences growing up. But I doubt in the end that those theories matter. What matters is that I am becoming aware of the way fear operates and learning how to create without allowing it to paralyze me. That has been my focus over the past few years as I give birth to new ideas and reclaim my voice by speaking on things that are passionate to me. As timing and alignment would have it, I have been successful in really showing up for myself over the past couple of months. And I believe that it is because of a few tools I have cultivated and continue to practice. I wanted to share those with you, with the hopes that they might support you with whatever you may be working through.

Here they are:

01 Language

The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz is a timeless classic that speaks very explicitly to the importance of language, among other things. In his explanation of the first agreement, ‘Be Impeccable With Your Word’, Ruiz states that “Through the word, you express creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything.” As simple as that sounds, I’ve learned that it’s not to be taken lightly. There is so much power in the energy and intention behind what we say; regardless if it’s good or bad, or said causally or jokingly. It all carries intention and energy. So when my mind spirals with fear-based thoughts or I start repeating them aloud, I am reminded that my language can either be a tool to help me overcome and create or a weapon that hurts me and keeps me small. I believe this is why wellness advocates suggest affirmations to work through limiting beliefs. I have personally used affirmations out loud or written in my journal to affirm courage and self-belief if I find myself stuck in the process. I even take it a step further by engaging my closest friends to help me catch myself when I use limiting language like “I can’t”, “I don’t know”, or “I’m trying”. I tell them to pause me mid-sentence if they hear me use those words and remind me by saying “You can”, “You do know”, or “You are figuring it out”. And honestly, that has been so impactful because it interrupts the part of me on autopilot and gives me the chance to be more conscious of what I am affirming and creating with my words.

02 Momentum

Merriam Webster’s definition of Momentum defines it as “strength or force gained by motion or a series of events”. When this word entered my life everything clicked. Its definition is a powerful tool and reminder that 1) everything happens one step at a time and 2) that each step combined will create the force/movement needed to get to where I want to go. Momentum is also defined in physics as a property used to describe mass — “the amount of matter that is contained by the object” (The Physics Classroom). And that further empowers me to know that each of us is matter and energy — and so are the tangible steps that we take. When I think about my journey, I am motivated to keep going and deepen my trust in the process because I understand that momentum will support me the more consistently I take action. And when I do misstep (and I do) or fail to show up, I know that I can pick up where I left off and build momentum again.

03 Don’t Speak On It

Except for a small, very select few people, I don’t speak on my goals anymore, especially when they are in their infancy. I know this is counter to some opinions and recommendations where people suggest you make a public announcement to help keep you accountable and make it happen. I don’t have the experience of that working for me. A funny story — sometime two years ago, I was trying to create a blog called “The Deepest Root”, and I made some progress on the backend. I even got as far as designing a website cover page. In my excitement and hope of having external accountability, I posted a screenshot of the page on Instagram and said, “Coming Soon”, Guess what? It never came. After that experience, I realized that public accountability was not for me. What I needed most was to cultivate a foundation of internal accountability and internal validation first. Luckily, I’m not alone in that opinion. In an article published on Psychology Today the writer says:

“People tend to make their goals public, but research has shown that publicizing intentions might jeopardize chances to achieve our goals. This is not a new idea, Arabs for centuries have admonished against publicizing commendable goals, culminating in proverbs such as “the more you surround your candle, the more it remains lit”.”(Marwa Azab Ph.D., Psychology Today)

That is why I keep it to myself. When you talk about accomplishing your goals, your “brain is tricked into thinking that the goal was achieved, it stops investing energy towards further implementation actions.” (Marwa Azab Ph.D., Psychology Today). Like I’ve mentioned, I know first hand how that feels — the excitement and high of a new idea can be so hard to contain. Eventually, you share because you’re excited or need external validation and you don’t even know it. And then you get back to working on the goal and realize that you lost the motivation and energy to do so. Now that I’m aware of this, I keep my goals and ideas to myself. I can feel the difference and feel the potential and energy of my creative child growing. I have a better chance of seeing it actualize.

04 Consistent & Reliable Accountability

When I get to a place where I have taken enough action and safely feel I can share, I need to have reliable and honest people keep me accountable as I bring the idea over the finish line. I have to admit though, it took a while for me to find people who can hold space and take on that role because we all have a lot going on; so many people are busy with their inner work and goals to work through. So I had to be patient and mindful of that when I was seeking support. However, once I identified them, they soon became instrumental in my journey when I felt unclear, limited, or caught up in a dramatic story complaining about why I can’t do something or why something is hard. These people tell me like it is, honestly, compassionately, and with tough love, if needed. They don’t enable me to self-loathe or sabotage and, they don’t do the work for me. They ask me questions to help me understand and remind me of what my intentions are. This kind of support and accountability is truly a blessing. And I don’t take it for granted by continuing to ruminate over my setbacks or struggles. I press on and get back to it.

05 Unplug From Social Media

This practice is a game-changer for me. Although it’s been progressive and helpful, social media is proven to have harmful impacts on our lifestyle, mental health, attention, and relationships. The habit loop created by social media platforms works to keep us highly engaged with it and is optimized to achieve that goal. And this is popularly documented by former designers and employees of the platforms themselves in the Netflix documentary, The Social Dilemma. When I first started detoxing from Instagram, I intended to be present in my real life without the need to post every meal, every exercise, or every time I accomplished something. It was so rewarding; I saw so many changes in how I spent my days. My focus was sharper and was more productive and creative. That showed me that an unhealthy relationship with social media can impact our willpower and connection to creativity. It is already hard to focus and create when struggling with your demons, let alone consuming endless highlight reels of other people’s accomplishments, success, and resources. And I found that to be especially true and triggering early on in my journey as I worked through fear. Stepping back and redefining my relationship with social media helped me so much. I was able to look at the things that triggered me and better understand them. Every time I returned from detox, I was unbothered by other people and more confident in my lane. I put my phone down without picking it up every two minutes to see I had a notification and began to do focused work. I was choosing when to come online and engage. I was aware of my triggers. I knew how to address them without feeling like I am unworthy. I keep it moving.

06 Routine & Boundaries

I used to enjoy sleeping until noon and staying up until 3 am. I would go through my day as a free-spirit, coming, going, and doing as I please with no real structure. But over the past few years, that lifestyle stopped feeling good to me. It was too relaxed and often guided my emotional state, a.k.a if I was “in the mood” to create, do work, or learn something new. That lifestyle was the breeding ground for procrastination, which turned into resentment and self-judgment. In my mind, the idea of a routine got a bad wrap from the beginning. I imagined it would lead to a dry and mediocre life. But as I mature, I realize that it is a pivotal aspect of being successful and creative. Somehow having just enough structure and boundaries creates the perfect formula for creativity to flow and evolve. I also learned the importance of boundaries last year after a few projects derailed my focus and left me with zero energy for myself. So, now if an opportunity demands too much time or starts to impose on my routine and boundaries, I speak up and reinforce them. Sometimes, I still cringe or feel a little bad when I have to hold my ground. I think that is because I care not to offend or hurt people. But I know that if I don’t say anything, I will only break my commitments and create dissonance inside myself.

So far, those are the things that have helped me the most and continue to help me, even as I write this piece. This post alone has brought up so much fear and yet, so much excitement, all at the same time. Thankfully I continued and am super proud to share this with you. I hope this helps you work through your fears.