Attn: Seeking External Validation
I wonder if people are honest when they say that they don’t care about how many likes or comments they get on Instagram. Is it possible to be so neutral? And if so, does it mean that they are so confident in who they are that they don’t desire external validation? I’m curious because I’ve always been pessimistic about the possibility of being truly authentic on platforms like Instagram — mainly because they seem to be so obsessed with ideas that skew our perceptions of reality. And also because it seems like the main motivations online are to get attention and praise from others.
I realize that although my intentions are genuine and based on my desire to express, actualize, and contribute to a greater cause, a part of me still feels preoccupied with the likes and performance of my posts. As I continue to share more online, I’m questioning if it’s possible to create content simply for the sake of creation and not only for the likes or attention. Or is the desire for validation always apart of the package?
Motivation theorists such as Abraham Maslow have verified that validation aligns with our basic needs and motivations to belong and feel loved. That’s helpful to remember because the first time someone close to me told me I was seeking validation and approval, I felt a rush of shame. Instead of acknowledging why I was seeking validation, I was judging myself for it. I think that many of us do.
If we want to succeed at self-validation and creation for the sake of creation, we need to remember that there are external factors that are triggering us and manipulating our desire to be seen. And so we need to guard against that, or else we’ll become addicted to the false fulfillment and feedback from social media culture.
I believe that to overcome seeking external validation online, we need to learn how to self-validate. Because when we learn to accept and approve of ourselves, the hunger for external validation becomes less of a driving factor in why we do what we do. When you have a strong sense of self, you are more likely to be okay not giving in to that pressure.
Bringing this home to my personal experience, I recognize that there is a part of me that is still experiencing some doubt and fear around this new journey. In order for me to neutralize the part of me that might be triggered to constantly check my phone or worry about what people are thinking, I need to affirm myself and remind myself of why I decided to share in the first place.
Though validation is a part of our human nature, we have to be mindful of its source. We have to continue to create and share ourselves with the world whether or not anyone is watching, liking, or commenting on our work. Creativity is about more than that. You have to trust that eventually when you keep affirming yourself by showing up in the process, the process will continue to reflect your focus.
